There Is Still Work In Progress

One of the comments I received as part of my feedback during placements was that I did not look enthusiastic enough. I explained that there was actually not a reflection of what I was feeling. I really enjoyed my time on placements, but I was constantly tired throughout and so it was probably showing more than I would have liked it to. To try and justify myself further, I am not a very outwardly expressive person. So what I am displaying outwardly is not necessarily true of what I am feeling on the inside. This could be due to the fact that I had to suppress most of my feelings while I was younger. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to deny the fact that it  is actually happening. One thing I learned from this is that my values lie very far from that of my supervisor's. My supervisor is certainly a very nice person, but it does not mean that we share the same values. For me, it is better that I receive this criticism than to put on a fake appearance which will tire me even more than if I were to genuinely express it outwardly. Another thing I learned is that only those who have been saved by Grace will know that change is a process and not something you can fake, especially to earn the approval of others. Compared to what I was previously, I have come a long way. Only God can change us to be more and more like Jesus. And that takes time, and everyone has different time periods in which different areas of their life will be changed. I wish she knew that we are all sinners who have been saved by grace and are being transformed daily to be more like Christ. For me, that is the part which I need to change. The thing is I do not change overnight. God has shaped me and brought me so far from what I was before. To deny any change is to underestimate and deny the power of God. On the other hand, to say that I should have reached the end product by now would be to take God for granted and like a genie who is not loving and kind and patient with us.

Dear God, may you be gracious on my supervisor and may she one day come to know and taste the richness of your grace. Amen.