Today is just one of those days where I really don’t feel like doing anything. I want time for myself to just be an introvert and just chill and recuperate. Perhaps it’s a coping mechanism for the so many things that are on my plate, especially today when I have a full day of classes.
Questions that are currently running through my mind now are: To what extent do I push myself? At what level am I allowed to say I’m taking on too much? Do I have to wait until I am totally burntout? I’ve already been burnt out for a long time and never really had the chance to recover fully. Every day is just running on empty.
BUT. Even though I go through all this, I am reminded that “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23. It is a lamentation about the affliction of the writer. We always tend to just quote verses 22-23 without really considering the whole chapter. But if we read it, we will see that he complains about his struggles. He is realistic. He’s not saying he doesn’t have struggles. But then after that, he talks about where his hope comes from. I like verse 24 which is right after the famous verses: The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” In verse 21, he also introduces the part about his hope by saying this: But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope[.]
So while I am languishing in my current state where I just want the day off, I am reminded that God is with me. God never changes even in our ups and downs.
Thursday, February 24, 2022
His Mercies are New Every Morning
Sunday, May 10, 2020
Bek's Reads | Book Review #4 | My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult
WOW.
I was introduced to this title a looooong time ago. I honestly don't remember whether it was in Primary or Secondary school when I was introduced to it. I don't know why I didn't pick it up then, but I wish I had read it sooner, because man. That was one of the best fiction stories I've read.
I'm not going to spoil it too much by going into too much detail. But the way Picoult writes from each characters' perspective is insane. She really draws the reader into the character's shoes. When I first started reading, I thought it was going to be not that great, considering other books that I've read which switch perspectives throughout the story have often been really confusing and detracts from the reader's experience of the story. But Picoult manages to draw you in to be part of the story. You really start to feel like how the character would feel. It was hard to just read a few chapters and then put down the book.
I also love it when the story ends with something that is not cliche. What I thought was going to happen certainly did not happen. Instead, an alternate of what I thought would happen ended up being the end of the story line.
There were a few things that I did not like though. I realised that although this story does take place within a short time frame with some throwbacks to some other time in the characters' lives, I didn't really like that it felt a bit rushed towards the end. There were some parts which would have been nice to have a little bit more details about as it really leaves you wondering, and I don't think in a good way, e.g. a cliffhanger. Some details would have made a bit more sense to the story line.
However, despite this flaw (if I may call it that), I really did enjoy the story throughout.
If you're looking for a story that evokes different types of emotions all in one go, My Sister's Keeper is definitely one which you should go for.
I was introduced to this title a looooong time ago. I honestly don't remember whether it was in Primary or Secondary school when I was introduced to it. I don't know why I didn't pick it up then, but I wish I had read it sooner, because man. That was one of the best fiction stories I've read.
I'm not going to spoil it too much by going into too much detail. But the way Picoult writes from each characters' perspective is insane. She really draws the reader into the character's shoes. When I first started reading, I thought it was going to be not that great, considering other books that I've read which switch perspectives throughout the story have often been really confusing and detracts from the reader's experience of the story. But Picoult manages to draw you in to be part of the story. You really start to feel like how the character would feel. It was hard to just read a few chapters and then put down the book.
I also love it when the story ends with something that is not cliche. What I thought was going to happen certainly did not happen. Instead, an alternate of what I thought would happen ended up being the end of the story line.
There were a few things that I did not like though. I realised that although this story does take place within a short time frame with some throwbacks to some other time in the characters' lives, I didn't really like that it felt a bit rushed towards the end. There were some parts which would have been nice to have a little bit more details about as it really leaves you wondering, and I don't think in a good way, e.g. a cliffhanger. Some details would have made a bit more sense to the story line.
However, despite this flaw (if I may call it that), I really did enjoy the story throughout.
If you're looking for a story that evokes different types of emotions all in one go, My Sister's Keeper is definitely one which you should go for.
Saturday, November 30, 2019
Bek's Reads | Book Review #3 | Blind Faith by Ben Elton
Elton presents a dystopia which might become a reality if we are not careful with how we live. It is a captivating story which engages the reader and can hook you every step of the way. The way he writes the descriptions in the narrative almost leaves no room for your own imagination. But rightly so as he tries to paint a specific kind of society in the reader's mind. The book not only serves as entertainment but also causes the reader to think about how we are running the world in this current day and age. It serves as a warning of what we might become.
It's hard to not give away any spoilers, so I'm writing just a short review. All I can say is that by the end of the book, I'm wishing there was a sequel to this book because I want to know what happens next! I had bought it during a time when I had lots of spare time and wanted to get into reading fiction again, but in the end had it sitting on my bookshelf for a few years before actually reading it this year. I wish I had read it earlier because it was such an enjoyable book.
Note: This book is not suitable for young readers.
Thursday, August 15, 2019
Photo challenge #6 | Collection
I've always wanted to learn another language properly. Not one that I HAVE to because it's part of the school curriculum or because society demands it, but out of interest. Unfortunately, I have this love-hate relationship with languages. I often get judged by what languages I know and don't know, and it absolutely annoys me to the core. One unfortunate thing is I have found that I am not good with languages ☹️ I have tried different ways of learning languages, but somehow I progress very slowly. I need a lot - and I mean A LOT - of encouragement to help improve. Not many people are willing to give it.
Please be kind friends. Just like you, I'm learning something new everyday. We all learn at different paces, so be gentle 🙃
What is a language you would like to learn?
Tuesday, August 6, 2019
Photo Challenge #5 | Remember
19 And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” 20 And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, “This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood
Luke 22:19-20 (ESV)
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Bek's Reads | Book Review #2 | INGREDIENT by Ali Bouzari
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| The tagline of the book is certainly an apt one! (Photo of actual cover of my copy be me) |
Where do I begin? I love everything about this book. I love it so much, I'm quite speechless! It caught my eye on the bookshelf in the bookstore. Opening up the sample, I knew that I would enjoy reading it. Being a bit of a foodie myself, and always inquisitive about how stuff works, I was thrilled to learn about the science behind the food that we eat, the methods of cooking that we use everyday and for special occasions. How I wish textbooks at uni were this fun!
The author is a brilliant food scientist who has a gift for translating technical language into everyday language. Even though I knew the scientific terms of what he was trying to explain, reading about those terms in simple, plain, everyday language was really helpful. It helped to reinforce what I had already learned before.
You don't have to be an expert in food at all to read this book. You just need a curiosity for how it all works. Ali explains how each essential ingredient in our food works, like how food gets its taste, its structure, its aroma, etc. I'd be giving too much away if I say much more!
To reinforce each concept, there are beautifully illustrated examples of the respective concepts, followed by really professionally captured photographs of food to reiterate the concepts. They're so prettttyyyyyy!!!! 😍😍😍 A lot of the examples are used in the home. You can even put some of the things you have learned into practice and experiment with the food you have in your fridge and/or pantry!
This book has certainly added to my knowledge of how food works. I say well done to the team behind Ali who worked really hard on the book. They have done an excellent job on presenting a topic that can be quite complex in a simple manner.
If you have the chance to pick the book up from a physical or online bookstore, I highly recommend it!
Thursday, July 18, 2019
Photo Challenge #4 | Yellow
After a long dry spell, I finally got a subject that fits the prompt of the day again. Today's prompt was the colour yellow.
I was fortunate enough to be able to go for one of the exhibits organised for Georgetown Festival (GTF). GTF is an annual affair that celebrates the rich culture and heritage that Penang was in years past, and is today.
Sure, the yellow is not the main star of this photo. But I thought it was really good with my intention of making these things thought provoking. (By the way, I don't go round looking for things that are thought provoking before using it as my subject. My brain just has a way of looking at things from a very different perspective to many others. I thought it would be nice to have something to write about besides just sharing pictures).
This particular photo (if I remember the explanation accurately) is symbolising humans' activity of attaching all sorts of things to trees and using it at our disposal with no thought of consequences. I took it from an angle which captured the shadow of the real, live plants, which symbolised the fact that real trees might just be a distant memory if we don't change our ways.
The exhibit was called "A Real Fake Forest". It highlighted what the future might look like if we (humans) didn't control the way we used our resources. The trees were made of cardboard, the leaves on the floor were dead leaves, shadowing what the future might look like - dead trees, fake trees. There were other things stuck on the other "trees" too. The walls and walkways were covered with plastic and wind was blowing them to create the illusion of being in a forest, if the patron covered their eyes. The irony of using the plastic sheets was to show our usage of plastic that might one day cover the whole planet if we don't reduce our usage of single-use plastics, and we may have to resort to synthetic forests to enjoy what once was.
We, humans, were put on this earth to subdue it - not in the manner of exploiting the resources given to us by God, but by being good stewards and looking after the other parts of God's creation. If it's hard for you to understand that concept, think about this: what if you entrusted your money to the bank to help you safekeep it, invest it, help it grow, but all they did was use up your money and betray your trust? That is sort of how it is with us exploiting natural resources, and not caring for the earth.
As a Christian, I am convicted to care for this earth, as it is part of God's creation, and that is our responsibility as humans. I therefore try my very best to reduce the need to buy things unnecessarily. If you know me well, I am very good at restraining from buying stuff on impulse. It takes me a long time to consider the necessity of it and the impact it will have on the environment before I choose to purchase something. There are many small ways for everyone to help. We need to take baby steps first, before moving on to bigger steps. When we all chip in a little, we all benefit.
I was fortunate enough to be able to go for one of the exhibits organised for Georgetown Festival (GTF). GTF is an annual affair that celebrates the rich culture and heritage that Penang was in years past, and is today.
 |
| Hopefully it remains as an exhibit and doesn't become a reality |
This particular photo (if I remember the explanation accurately) is symbolising humans' activity of attaching all sorts of things to trees and using it at our disposal with no thought of consequences. I took it from an angle which captured the shadow of the real, live plants, which symbolised the fact that real trees might just be a distant memory if we don't change our ways.
The exhibit was called "A Real Fake Forest". It highlighted what the future might look like if we (humans) didn't control the way we used our resources. The trees were made of cardboard, the leaves on the floor were dead leaves, shadowing what the future might look like - dead trees, fake trees. There were other things stuck on the other "trees" too. The walls and walkways were covered with plastic and wind was blowing them to create the illusion of being in a forest, if the patron covered their eyes. The irony of using the plastic sheets was to show our usage of plastic that might one day cover the whole planet if we don't reduce our usage of single-use plastics, and we may have to resort to synthetic forests to enjoy what once was.
We, humans, were put on this earth to subdue it - not in the manner of exploiting the resources given to us by God, but by being good stewards and looking after the other parts of God's creation. If it's hard for you to understand that concept, think about this: what if you entrusted your money to the bank to help you safekeep it, invest it, help it grow, but all they did was use up your money and betray your trust? That is sort of how it is with us exploiting natural resources, and not caring for the earth.
As a Christian, I am convicted to care for this earth, as it is part of God's creation, and that is our responsibility as humans. I therefore try my very best to reduce the need to buy things unnecessarily. If you know me well, I am very good at restraining from buying stuff on impulse. It takes me a long time to consider the necessity of it and the impact it will have on the environment before I choose to purchase something. There are many small ways for everyone to help. We need to take baby steps first, before moving on to bigger steps. When we all chip in a little, we all benefit.
The six R's of sustainability: reinvent/rethink, refuse, reduce, reuse/repair, recycle, replace/rebuy.
Which of the six R's do you already practice?
Tuesday, June 4, 2019
Photo challenge #3 | Messy
Prompt: Messy
You're probably wondering, "what in the world is that?" Or maybe you aren't. But that's my bed quilt covers.
The prompt reminded me of it my mum always says I need to "straighten it out". To her, this is messy.
To me, it used to be messy as well. Not really as much anymore. I've learned to embrace the mess. Not everything needs to be perfect.
Mess is often seen in a negative light. While I acknowledge that mess can hold a negative connotation, I think we often undermine the beauty of the mess. Many a time, we find ourselves in a messy situation which could be interpreted as a bad thing. But if we were to pause for a second and think about why this was a mess in the first place, we would be able to even see the beauty of it.
This could be a follow-up from my previous post. In the journey of life, it's not always a smooth sailing time. We will sometimes encounter messes. Messes are needed to help us think through our decisions. They can be useful in redirecting us. Or it can be a time when we need to be grateful with how much stuff we are able to posses. We're making use of something. We're learning. We're exploring. All these are good things. Often it's really hard to achieve these things without encountering mess.
You could be in a really bad place now. That's another kind of mess. But no matter what your mess is, how it got to that state or what the mess is about, you don't have to clean up everything right now. Take your time to figure out how to organise the mess. Sometimes it takes just a second to straighten the sheets out, sometimes it takes a bit (or a lot!) longer. Find people who will help you walk through and sort through the mess, without judgement.
For me personally, I am really appreciative of those who share their life mess with me. These are the people whom I know I can be real with, who I can journey with. If your life is spick and span, I'm sorry to say that you haven't lived. Get a little messy, have a little fun. Join someone in their mess. Invite someone to join you in your mess.
 |
| Used |
You're probably wondering, "what in the world is that?" Or maybe you aren't. But that's my bed quilt covers.
The prompt reminded me of it my mum always says I need to "straighten it out". To her, this is messy.
To me, it used to be messy as well. Not really as much anymore. I've learned to embrace the mess. Not everything needs to be perfect.
Mess is often seen in a negative light. While I acknowledge that mess can hold a negative connotation, I think we often undermine the beauty of the mess. Many a time, we find ourselves in a messy situation which could be interpreted as a bad thing. But if we were to pause for a second and think about why this was a mess in the first place, we would be able to even see the beauty of it.
This could be a follow-up from my previous post. In the journey of life, it's not always a smooth sailing time. We will sometimes encounter messes. Messes are needed to help us think through our decisions. They can be useful in redirecting us. Or it can be a time when we need to be grateful with how much stuff we are able to posses. We're making use of something. We're learning. We're exploring. All these are good things. Often it's really hard to achieve these things without encountering mess.
You could be in a really bad place now. That's another kind of mess. But no matter what your mess is, how it got to that state or what the mess is about, you don't have to clean up everything right now. Take your time to figure out how to organise the mess. Sometimes it takes just a second to straighten the sheets out, sometimes it takes a bit (or a lot!) longer. Find people who will help you walk through and sort through the mess, without judgement.
For me personally, I am really appreciative of those who share their life mess with me. These are the people whom I know I can be real with, who I can journey with. If your life is spick and span, I'm sorry to say that you haven't lived. Get a little messy, have a little fun. Join someone in their mess. Invite someone to join you in your mess.
How are you dealing with your mess?
p.s. Please seek professional help if you are unable to handle your life mess. It is not shameful to speak to a counsellor, psychologist/psychiatrist.
Monday, June 3, 2019
Photo challenge #2 | Look Up
I must admit that I hoped I could get a very different picture than the one I currently have. I only managed to take one today. I thought of giving up and passing for the day, but I decided against that. I want to commit to it and not do it halfheartedly. So here it is. Today's picture.
Prompt: Look Up
Something that pushed me to continue with this photo was the fact that climbing up a stairs is like life. In life, there are destinations that we need to get to. Some journeys are worth it, some are not. Just like when someone calls you from the top of the stairs just to tell you that they'd forgotten what they called you up for. But some are totally worth it. Like perhaps a cheesecake. It doesn't matter how big or small the destination is. Lots of obstacles might get in your way, or there might even be phases of the journey before the final destination. But at the end, with perseverance and persistence, you'll reach your destination. Some times, it may look daunting, but at the end of it, you'll be proud of yourself to know how far you've come. Having good support networks is essential. They are the people who will encourage you and guide you along the way, some who make the journey a worthwhile one, and even some who journey alongside you.
Sometimes it's necessary to abandon the journey. Do so carefully, so that you don't tumble down the stairs. Use it instead as a step in another direction and build upon what you gained from it.
Sometimes it's necessary for a pause to reroute or rejuvenate and that's okay too.
Keep climbing. I'm rooting for you.
Prompt: Look Up
 |
| Climbing |
Sometimes it's necessary to abandon the journey. Do so carefully, so that you don't tumble down the stairs. Use it instead as a step in another direction and build upon what you gained from it.
Sometimes it's necessary for a pause to reroute or rejuvenate and that's okay too.
Keep climbing. I'm rooting for you.
How are you doing with the stairs of life?
Sunday, June 2, 2019
Photo Challenge #1 | Empty
I'm trying something new. I like photography of still objects, nature, landscapes, food, and occasionally people. I really do want to improve my manual photography skills. This is sort of like a project for me. I found this challenge on this website. Basically, a prompt is given for each day of the year, and we are supposed to use our creativity to interpret what the prompt is and find something that corresponds to it. Since I'm not moving around much/doing lots of different things, I am quite limited in what I can take. So I know I won't be able to have a photo everyday of the year (although I'd very much love to have a photo everyday), but I thought it would be a fun challenge and project to do for the rest of the year.
But here's what I managed to capture for today's prompt.
Prompt: EMPTY
But here's what I managed to capture for today's prompt.
Prompt: EMPTY
 | This was my favourite of the two that I took today. | ||
| Delicious |
But here's the other one. I liked the effect of being able to take a subject up close and have the background blurred off a bit (is there a technical name for it??), but after I took it I realised that this restaurant's glass was really dirty and it didn't really give the photo a nice look. But I still kept it anyway.
Anyway, if you know a thing or two about manual photography and all the different settings of the camera, I would love to hear your feedback and learn a thing or two about how I can improve my photography. As I'm really an amateur at this, I don't really know how to ask for any specific feedback, so any feedback is good! But please be kind :)
Being the philosophical me, I have to leave this question. After all, there's a reason why I've named my blog as such! ;) These are empty, but my stomach was full. When something's empty, something else is full.
What's empty and what's full in your life?
Monday, May 27, 2019
Bek's Reads | Book Review #1 | THE AMATEURS by Sara Shepard
I'm an avid fan of mysteries. I grew up reading Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Famous Five, Five Find Outers and a few less common titles. I hadn't picked up a mystery novel in a long time. However, this one caught my eye when I visited a bookshop recently. I picked it up and read the synopsis. It sounded intriguing which made me want to open it up and read it. Unfortunately, it was wrapped. So I took the chance and bought it.
Once I pick up a book, it's hard for me to put it down. But amidst the weekend shenanigans, I managed to finish it over a weekend. I'm sure if I read it straight through without stopping, I would have finished it in less than a day. Well, for one, I am quite a fast reader. But also, it was only three-hundred plus pages long. Not too long for a story book.
I didn't have too many expectations for this book as this was the first young adult mystery book I've ever read (yeah, I know... like WHAT!? I stopped reading fiction books for awhile, okay?). I'm very pleased to say that I have been pleasantly surprised by the level of my enjoyment of the story. I'll try not to spoil anything, in case you would like to read it yourself.
The story adopts a multiple point-of-view concept, where each chapter is from the perspective of a different character in the story. The chapters are rotated among the main characters of the story. Although it's not mentioned who is speaking in the chapter, the reader will quickly find out whose perspective they are reading from within the first few sentences. I had my doubts at first, because switching between so many characters can become very confusing for the reader if not written well. However, the author's adept writing skills showed through the readability throughout the novel and my doubts quickly dissipated.
The story is told in quite a realistic manner. I very much enjoyed the pace of the story. Where you would expect the events to roll by quickly, it did. And when it was supposed to be slow - meaning more detail expected - it was very much so. The story carries the reader along with it, and you get to play detective as well, trying to figure out whodunit. I appreciate that it was well thought out, unlike some other stories where the beginning starts out way too slow, and then everything seems to happen way too quickly after that, as if the author was running out of word quota or pages to write on. Information of the case is given out as if it were playing out in real time and it makes the reader feel very much as if they were part of that story as well. Feelings of characters seemed realistic as well, and I could personally feel connected to each of them as they were allowed to tell a bit of their stories during their respective chapters. In my opinion, this story was so realistically written that it could probably pass as a real-live event. Characters don't go through "happily ever afters" that we see in the movies. Events happen as in real life - some end happy, some end otherwise. Emotions are expertly expressed through the writing. I found myself often time throughout the time I was reading it wanting to comfort the distraught characters, celebrate with their wins and mourn their losses.
In a world full of unpredictability, it's always nice to have some predictability, especially in a fictional story. But I was pleasantly surprised that I did not get that at the end. I loved the fact that I did not really see the end coming (or is it my dwindling detective skills??), instead it left with a cliffhanger, leaving the reader longing for more. Thank God this is a series and there are two more books to this series, as I later found out. I would very much like to get the second and the third book to see how each character develops across time. Oh yes, that's another plus. The character development is excellently expressed. Each character has their own unique personality which develops in different directions across time. No one ends up in the same place. Everyone is still trying to find themselves, just like in real life - I love it.
Despite some explicit language and sensual descriptions of romantic encounters (as most young adult novels have anyway), I very much enjoyed myself reading this novel throughout. Great job to the author who has me hungry for more of the story and wanting to get to know the characters a lot better.
I give the book a rating of DEFINITELY RECOMMEND for those mystery novel enthusiasts out there. The book is available on Book Depository's website (accessed May 2019) and they deliver worldwide.
Once I pick up a book, it's hard for me to put it down. But amidst the weekend shenanigans, I managed to finish it over a weekend. I'm sure if I read it straight through without stopping, I would have finished it in less than a day. Well, for one, I am quite a fast reader. But also, it was only three-hundred plus pages long. Not too long for a story book.
I didn't have too many expectations for this book as this was the first young adult mystery book I've ever read (yeah, I know... like WHAT!? I stopped reading fiction books for awhile, okay?). I'm very pleased to say that I have been pleasantly surprised by the level of my enjoyment of the story. I'll try not to spoil anything, in case you would like to read it yourself.
The story adopts a multiple point-of-view concept, where each chapter is from the perspective of a different character in the story. The chapters are rotated among the main characters of the story. Although it's not mentioned who is speaking in the chapter, the reader will quickly find out whose perspective they are reading from within the first few sentences. I had my doubts at first, because switching between so many characters can become very confusing for the reader if not written well. However, the author's adept writing skills showed through the readability throughout the novel and my doubts quickly dissipated.
The story is told in quite a realistic manner. I very much enjoyed the pace of the story. Where you would expect the events to roll by quickly, it did. And when it was supposed to be slow - meaning more detail expected - it was very much so. The story carries the reader along with it, and you get to play detective as well, trying to figure out whodunit. I appreciate that it was well thought out, unlike some other stories where the beginning starts out way too slow, and then everything seems to happen way too quickly after that, as if the author was running out of word quota or pages to write on. Information of the case is given out as if it were playing out in real time and it makes the reader feel very much as if they were part of that story as well. Feelings of characters seemed realistic as well, and I could personally feel connected to each of them as they were allowed to tell a bit of their stories during their respective chapters. In my opinion, this story was so realistically written that it could probably pass as a real-live event. Characters don't go through "happily ever afters" that we see in the movies. Events happen as in real life - some end happy, some end otherwise. Emotions are expertly expressed through the writing. I found myself often time throughout the time I was reading it wanting to comfort the distraught characters, celebrate with their wins and mourn their losses.
In a world full of unpredictability, it's always nice to have some predictability, especially in a fictional story. But I was pleasantly surprised that I did not get that at the end. I loved the fact that I did not really see the end coming (or is it my dwindling detective skills??), instead it left with a cliffhanger, leaving the reader longing for more. Thank God this is a series and there are two more books to this series, as I later found out. I would very much like to get the second and the third book to see how each character develops across time. Oh yes, that's another plus. The character development is excellently expressed. Each character has their own unique personality which develops in different directions across time. No one ends up in the same place. Everyone is still trying to find themselves, just like in real life - I love it.
Despite some explicit language and sensual descriptions of romantic encounters (as most young adult novels have anyway), I very much enjoyed myself reading this novel throughout. Great job to the author who has me hungry for more of the story and wanting to get to know the characters a lot better.
I give the book a rating of DEFINITELY RECOMMEND for those mystery novel enthusiasts out there. The book is available on Book Depository's website (accessed May 2019) and they deliver worldwide.
Saturday, January 19, 2019
Prayer When I'm Hurt
Lord I have many wounds,
please heal them.
For by your wounds, I am healed.
Lord I have many scars,
please heal them.
Through your scars I have confidence in your promises.
Lord I feel betrayed,
please show my your love.
You know what it feels like to be betrayed, yet you still love me.
Lord I feel unloved,
please pour out your love on me.
Help me to trust in your love for me as I remember daily the act of salvation because you loved us.
Lord I feel overwhelmed by the cares of this world,
please help me cast my cares on you and let me trade my burden with yours.
For you have said that your yoke is light.
Lord I feel distracted,
please keep me focused on you.
Jesus at the centre of it all!
Lord guide my steps.
Help me to trust in your perfect will.
please heal them.
For by your wounds, I am healed.
Lord I have many scars,
please heal them.
Through your scars I have confidence in your promises.
Lord I feel betrayed,
please show my your love.
You know what it feels like to be betrayed, yet you still love me.
Lord I feel unloved,
please pour out your love on me.
Help me to trust in your love for me as I remember daily the act of salvation because you loved us.
Lord I feel overwhelmed by the cares of this world,
please help me cast my cares on you and let me trade my burden with yours.
For you have said that your yoke is light.
Lord I feel distracted,
please keep me focused on you.
Jesus at the centre of it all!
Lord guide my steps.
Help me to trust in your perfect will.
The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in him.
Nahum 1:7
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23
I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.
Psalm 55:22
I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
Psalm 91:2
Sunday, August 19, 2018
Are Your Hands Opened or Closed?
A reflection from 4 August 2018
I COME WITH TIGHTLY CLOSED HANDS
Reflection night tonight. So much I poured out to God. And then the picture came. Of me coming to the Father saying "Take these hurts and failures from me. Take my heart and heal it." But my hands were closed. The closed hand - symbol of power, the desire to have revenge, the desire to hold on tight, to control.
Here I was standing before God, asking Him to take these things from me but with closed hands. Because it's easier to have your hands closed. It means protection. No one can put anything horrible into your hands. The safety and security. No one can take what is yours. Right? Well, maybe. But it also meant God could not trade my sorrows with his joy. It meant that I could not receive his blessings.
Such a simple illustration with such profound importance. In the attempt to protect myself, I have closed off the blessings that God wants to bestow upon me because I am his child. The hurts I want God to heal, but I still hold on tightly to them.
I COME WITH OPEN HANDS
I want to really surrender what I have in my hands to God and allow him to take the bad stuff and trade it with the good stuff.
I want my hands open so I can grab on to him.
I want my hands wide open so that whatever God has given me I can share with others.
Can we ever receive anything if our hands are full and tightly closed?
I want my hands wide open
I COME WITH TIGHTLY CLOSED HANDS
Reflection night tonight. So much I poured out to God. And then the picture came. Of me coming to the Father saying "Take these hurts and failures from me. Take my heart and heal it." But my hands were closed. The closed hand - symbol of power, the desire to have revenge, the desire to hold on tight, to control.
Here I was standing before God, asking Him to take these things from me but with closed hands. Because it's easier to have your hands closed. It means protection. No one can put anything horrible into your hands. The safety and security. No one can take what is yours. Right? Well, maybe. But it also meant God could not trade my sorrows with his joy. It meant that I could not receive his blessings.
Such a simple illustration with such profound importance. In the attempt to protect myself, I have closed off the blessings that God wants to bestow upon me because I am his child. The hurts I want God to heal, but I still hold on tightly to them.
I COME WITH OPEN HANDS
I want to really surrender what I have in my hands to God and allow him to take the bad stuff and trade it with the good stuff.
I want my hands open so I can grab on to him.
I want my hands wide open so that whatever God has given me I can share with others.
Can we ever receive anything if our hands are full and tightly closed?
I want my hands wide open
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD
After a weekend of feeling down, having low mood throughout
the day, yesterday (Monday) looked a little better. However, my mood was still
pretty low. This morning, I woke up still with pretty low mood. My heart
silently prayed that I would have enough emotional capacity to handle today.
Every Tuesday, I work at a clinic for a few hours. This means I see patients
who may have come from anywhere in life and may bring anything to the
consultation. I prayed the same prayer I pray every morning: “Lord give me
strength to go through this day”.
On my way to the clinic, I had this sudden burst of energy.
I could feel an instantaneous change in my mood. (See people, sometimes it’s
not just psychological. The biochemicals in the brain don’t always work the way
you want it to). It was such a sudden, drastic change that it actually took me
by surprise. Where did I suddenly get this burst of emotional energy from? I
was able to get through work with sufficient emotional capacity to do my work
well.
On my way back from the clinic, I was thinking about it. And
then the phrase, GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD came into mind. God gave me
just enough. Just like his provision for the Israelites in the wilderness.
Today was a surprisingly good day. And I thank God for it!
I even got to share a little bit of what I believe in with
my colleagues! Even though I was cut short by my next patient arriving before I
could get to the important point that I wanted to talk about, I believe God
will use whatever little I have said. I’m confident that I will have a lot more
opportunities to talk about what I believe in in the days to come. Most
importantly, I hope that all that I say and do will be a living testimony unto
Christ. If I’m the only Bible they’re going to read, then may I be it well with
the help of the Spirit guiding me.
Friday, November 13, 2015
Grace Amplified
Yesterday, I received the news that I would not be moving on with my course because I was unable to show competency in the areas they required. Of course, nothing done is without any reflection or lesson to be learned.
Through this experience, I have seen God's grace amplified all the more. I have been humbled and have been shown the worth of God's grace. Maybe it's because I have been taking God's grace for granted. Or maybe there was something I needed to learn. Only God knows. But what I know is that I have learned to appreciate God's grace more than ever before.
I have seen how blessed I am to be called child of the Most High, even though I don't deserve it. It is such a relief to know that I do not have to work for my salvation. Otherwise, where would I be?
Also, the yearning to be with God has been amplified. To leave this world of injustice and suffering, and go and be with God and worship God in His presence forever.
God's was are best - giving us the confidence of what's ahead, so that we know that we do not try to please him in without knowing what is ahead before us. Instead, we please him because the price has already been paid for us, and we please him out of love and gratitude and reverence of who He truly is.
The certainty that has come with the receiving of God's grace is a million times better than working and giving something your everything and best, and being constantly told to improve, but without a certainty of what's to come. It is easier to serve God who has already aid the price for us and we are doing this because we love Him, rather than trying to work towards other people's expectations, which end up not giving credit to your efforts or improvements. In all this, I have learned that my worth and identity are found in Christ.
My identity and worth are found in Christ as opposed to how far I can progress in life in a given time frame. God accepts us just as we are, not looking at our achievements, for Jesus has achieved the ultimate goal for us. He has met the competencies which I could never meet in the the greatest test of life - which is to praise & worship God, obey Him and give the glory due to Him.
Through this, even though I probably did not face hardships as intense as Paul, but I can kind of understand when he wrote,
Lord, whatever I was supposed to learn through this, please teach me.
This has been a huge learning curve for me, not only in terms of my course at uni, but more so in trusting God, in believing that He knows all things and is in control of all things; that He will bring me through this road of testing; that He can bring something good out of what the world may see as bad.
I am not afraid to share about my failures because, if other people can learn from my failures, and God can be magnified and glorified, who am I to stop that from happening?
As I was reflecting on this whole situation, these songs came to mind, which I will now leave you with:
Through this experience, I have seen God's grace amplified all the more. I have been humbled and have been shown the worth of God's grace. Maybe it's because I have been taking God's grace for granted. Or maybe there was something I needed to learn. Only God knows. But what I know is that I have learned to appreciate God's grace more than ever before.
I have seen how blessed I am to be called child of the Most High, even though I don't deserve it. It is such a relief to know that I do not have to work for my salvation. Otherwise, where would I be?
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:8-10
Also, the yearning to be with God has been amplified. To leave this world of injustice and suffering, and go and be with God and worship God in His presence forever.
"For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. Therefore we are always confident, and know that as long as we are in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad" 2 Corinthians 5:1-10
God's was are best - giving us the confidence of what's ahead, so that we know that we do not try to please him in without knowing what is ahead before us. Instead, we please him because the price has already been paid for us, and we please him out of love and gratitude and reverence of who He truly is.
The certainty that has come with the receiving of God's grace is a million times better than working and giving something your everything and best, and being constantly told to improve, but without a certainty of what's to come. It is easier to serve God who has already aid the price for us and we are doing this because we love Him, rather than trying to work towards other people's expectations, which end up not giving credit to your efforts or improvements. In all this, I have learned that my worth and identity are found in Christ.
Since then you have been raised with Christ, set your hears on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Colossians 3:1-4
My identity and worth are found in Christ as opposed to how far I can progress in life in a given time frame. God accepts us just as we are, not looking at our achievements, for Jesus has achieved the ultimate goal for us. He has met the competencies which I could never meet in the the greatest test of life - which is to praise & worship God, obey Him and give the glory due to Him.
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13
Through this, even though I probably did not face hardships as intense as Paul, but I can kind of understand when he wrote,
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10
Lord, whatever I was supposed to learn through this, please teach me.
This has been a huge learning curve for me, not only in terms of my course at uni, but more so in trusting God, in believing that He knows all things and is in control of all things; that He will bring me through this road of testing; that He can bring something good out of what the world may see as bad.
I am not afraid to share about my failures because, if other people can learn from my failures, and God can be magnified and glorified, who am I to stop that from happening?
As I was reflecting on this whole situation, these songs came to mind, which I will now leave you with:
There Is Still Work In Progress
One of the comments I received as part of my feedback during placements was that I did not look enthusiastic enough. I explained that there was actually not a reflection of what I was feeling. I really enjoyed my time on placements, but I was constantly tired throughout and so it was probably showing more than I would have liked it to. To try and justify myself further, I am not a very outwardly expressive person. So what I am displaying outwardly is not necessarily true of what I am feeling on the inside. This could be due to the fact that I had to suppress most of my feelings while I was younger. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to deny the fact that it is actually happening. One thing I learned from this is that my values lie very far from that of my supervisor's. My supervisor is certainly a very nice person, but it does not mean that we share the same values. For me, it is better that I receive this criticism than to put on a fake appearance which will tire me even more than if I were to genuinely express it outwardly. Another thing I learned is that only those who have been saved by Grace will know that change is a process and not something you can fake, especially to earn the approval of others. Compared to what I was previously, I have come a long way. Only God can change us to be more and more like Jesus. And that takes time, and everyone has different time periods in which different areas of their life will be changed. I wish she knew that we are all sinners who have been saved by grace and are being transformed daily to be more like Christ. For me, that is the part which I need to change. The thing is I do not change overnight. God has shaped me and brought me so far from what I was before. To deny any change is to underestimate and deny the power of God. On the other hand, to say that I should have reached the end product by now would be to take God for granted and like a genie who is not loving and kind and patient with us.
Dear God, may you be gracious on my supervisor and may she one day come to know and taste the richness of your grace. Amen.
Dear God, may you be gracious on my supervisor and may she one day come to know and taste the richness of your grace. Amen.
Friday, August 14, 2015
The WHOLE package
Firstly, please understand that the following is written out of an outpouring of emotions. I decided that it was bottled up and now it's like when you shake a fizzy drink and it's just waiting to spill out. I need to vent my frustration somewhere. And being a person who is learning how to use something called emotions, it is probably the only thing i can think of right now.
We often say people don't accept us for who we are. The sad truth is, there isn't anyone who can. Also, sometimes we make promises (most of the time unknowingly) to say that we will be in support of whatever the person is (notice that it is not does). Another sad truth, we can NEVER do it.
If we are gonna accept a person for who he/she is, it means we have to accept EVERYTHING. Including the UGLY side. Unfortunately, most of us don't like anyone's ugly side, sometimes including our own. If you're not gonna accept my ugly side as you do my pretty side, then please don't say you accept me for who I am. Because, I WILL hold you to your word.
If I am gonna work on my ugly side, and you claim you are trying to help me see my ugly side so that i can work on it, then you are first gonna have to admit that I DO actually have an ugly side. And if you want to help me work on my ugly side, then please, don't do things halfway. Help me maintain my pretty side as well.
Don't just keep criticizing everything I do wrong without commending the things that I get right. It is very demeaning and demotivating if all you are gonna notice is my bad side. No, I am NOT saying that you shouldn't my bad side. I certainly welcome that at all times, and please do it with all honesty! But if that's the only thing you are gonna notice about me, then, it tells me one of two things. Either, I am just really that horrible of a person that I have no good side OR you're just really good at your job. Hey, I do do good things as well, okay?
On the other hand, I know I don't get everything right. So if you're only talking about the good things about me but never mentioning the bad, I will (sad to say) have to make the conclusion that you're not being very honest with me. And I don't like that either.
I won't blame you if you're trying to have a balance of both. I am working on that part of me too, i.e. trying to commend and give constructive criticism.
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. That's it. that was the word i was searching for. Don't just tell me what I'm doing wrong as if you've got it all right. Please tell me what I SHOULD be doing RIGHT. If you're just gonna tell me that turning down a particular path is wrong without giving me an alternative route, how are you supposed to expect me to get to the destination, i.e. change of behaviour/habit/thought/etc.??
So please. Let's work together. Help me do it properly. If you're gonna start a job, finish it and DO IT WELL.
One of the things I am trying to work on is my EMOTIONS (and consequently, expressions). I have had a very tough time trying to express my emotions in the correct way over the years. Unfortunately, my lack of ability to express them correctly has gotten me into trouble so many times. It's sad to say that people have assumed so much, that I've lost "friends" due to them not getting to know me first before jumping to conclusions. I wish they understood how hard it is for me to know how to control emotions and expressions. It may be really easy for them, but it is certainly not easy for me.
I am very thankful for those who are wiser than that and actually take the time to get to know some of my background before making assumptions. Kudos to you all! And also thanks for being patient with me as I try to work my way. It IS VERY hard. I'm not even asking you to try understand how it feels on my part. I'm just asking you to be PATIENT with me. I know patience can wear off. If it's too much for you to handle, then I would rather you let me know and politely leave than keep hitting me whether directly or indirectly.
There. I'm done rambling now.
We often say people don't accept us for who we are. The sad truth is, there isn't anyone who can. Also, sometimes we make promises (most of the time unknowingly) to say that we will be in support of whatever the person is (notice that it is not does). Another sad truth, we can NEVER do it.
If we are gonna accept a person for who he/she is, it means we have to accept EVERYTHING. Including the UGLY side. Unfortunately, most of us don't like anyone's ugly side, sometimes including our own. If you're not gonna accept my ugly side as you do my pretty side, then please don't say you accept me for who I am. Because, I WILL hold you to your word.
If I am gonna work on my ugly side, and you claim you are trying to help me see my ugly side so that i can work on it, then you are first gonna have to admit that I DO actually have an ugly side. And if you want to help me work on my ugly side, then please, don't do things halfway. Help me maintain my pretty side as well.
Don't just keep criticizing everything I do wrong without commending the things that I get right. It is very demeaning and demotivating if all you are gonna notice is my bad side. No, I am NOT saying that you shouldn't my bad side. I certainly welcome that at all times, and please do it with all honesty! But if that's the only thing you are gonna notice about me, then, it tells me one of two things. Either, I am just really that horrible of a person that I have no good side OR you're just really good at your job. Hey, I do do good things as well, okay?
On the other hand, I know I don't get everything right. So if you're only talking about the good things about me but never mentioning the bad, I will (sad to say) have to make the conclusion that you're not being very honest with me. And I don't like that either.
I won't blame you if you're trying to have a balance of both. I am working on that part of me too, i.e. trying to commend and give constructive criticism.
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. That's it. that was the word i was searching for. Don't just tell me what I'm doing wrong as if you've got it all right. Please tell me what I SHOULD be doing RIGHT. If you're just gonna tell me that turning down a particular path is wrong without giving me an alternative route, how are you supposed to expect me to get to the destination, i.e. change of behaviour/habit/thought/etc.??
So please. Let's work together. Help me do it properly. If you're gonna start a job, finish it and DO IT WELL.
One of the things I am trying to work on is my EMOTIONS (and consequently, expressions). I have had a very tough time trying to express my emotions in the correct way over the years. Unfortunately, my lack of ability to express them correctly has gotten me into trouble so many times. It's sad to say that people have assumed so much, that I've lost "friends" due to them not getting to know me first before jumping to conclusions. I wish they understood how hard it is for me to know how to control emotions and expressions. It may be really easy for them, but it is certainly not easy for me.
I am very thankful for those who are wiser than that and actually take the time to get to know some of my background before making assumptions. Kudos to you all! And also thanks for being patient with me as I try to work my way. It IS VERY hard. I'm not even asking you to try understand how it feels on my part. I'm just asking you to be PATIENT with me. I know patience can wear off. If it's too much for you to handle, then I would rather you let me know and politely leave than keep hitting me whether directly or indirectly.
There. I'm done rambling now.
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Crack the whip!
Some time last year, i took a trip down to Phillip island, Australia with a group of friends. There we went to see the penguins, a choclate factory and also a heritage farm. At the heritage farm we saw lots of animals run free, enjoyed basking in the sun in the vast open field, took a look at the olden day home, and even milk a cow!
But, one thing that will be forever in my memory is the chance i got at trying to crack a whip. There was a demonstration on cracking whips and the opportunity for visitors to try. I thought it would be a fun experience, pretending i was some famer trying to gather a herd of bulls or something.
The technique was not as hard as i expected it to be. It was pretty similar to how i have used the ribbon ina ribbon dance. Thus, i was able to crack a whip correctly pretty fast.
After that experience, you would think that one would be feeling good about one's self. Instead, i was brought to my knees. I had heard the sound of the whip cracking. I had even had a go at it myself. I even marvelled at the thought of how painful it would be if someone were under that whip. Then it occured to me that i knew someone who had been. I was reminded of how Jesus was whipped and flooged before he was crucified.
He went through it 2000+ years ago, to reconcile us with the One who made us. Not because he had to, butbecause he WANTED to. Even though it was us who turned away, God, in his loving nature decided to it upon himself, because he knew that we will not be able to pay for our sin. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
That day, i was reminded of Go's love for me. I could not imagine how anyone could withstand the torture of that and still be crucified after that. I think if it had been me, i would probably have collapsed under the 10th stroke or something.
As i think about his sacrifice this easter, i am reminded that because he died and rose again, i have new life. He went through all that so that I didn't have to. He did that so that you and i an havenew life. Moreso, eternal life. I am proud to be called a follower of Christ, a child of God redeemed by his blood.
I hope you have a blessed time reflecting on Christ's sacrifice not only this weekend, but also the rest of the year.
Isaiah 53:4-6
" Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitte by him, and afflictee. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all like sheep, have gone astray, each of us have turned to his own separate way; and the Lord laid on him the iniquity of us all."
That day, i was reminded of Go's love for me. I could not imagine how anyone could withstand the torture of that and still be crucified after that. I think if it had been me, i would probably have collapsed under the 10th stroke or something.
As i think about his sacrifice this easter, i am reminded that because he died and rose again, i have new life. He went through all that so that I didn't have to. He did that so that you and i an havenew life. Moreso, eternal life. I am proud to be called a follower of Christ, a child of God redeemed by his blood.
I hope you have a blessed time reflecting on Christ's sacrifice not only this weekend, but also the rest of the year.
Isaiah 53:4-6
" Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitte by him, and afflictee. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all like sheep, have gone astray, each of us have turned to his own separate way; and the Lord laid on him the iniquity of us all."
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
If life were a movie...
... i would rewrite whatever has happened this year. yes, i do wish i could rewrite history. but hey, let's be realistic. we can't. instead, all we can do, is to look back through the year and count our blessings, learn from the mistakes and look forward to doing better. i really have learned a lot this past year, as always.
through out the year, i learned to seek God in a way different than before. i had to really depend on His divine strength, as i could not and would not have made it through if not for Him. i understand better what it means to rest in His Grace. to be honest, it is not as easy as some might think it to be. it's really when you're pushed to your limits, far out of your comfort zone, that you realize that your strength will definitely fail. again and again, 2 Corinthians 12:9 comes to mind.
besides that, i was given the opportunity to lead a number of Bible studies. it made me see things in a way i have never seen before. it's always exciting to re-read God's Word and see what treasures you find each time. there were also a lot of things that i learnt from different places about God's word, like reading well-known Bible stories, but looking at them through new eyes. it's really amazing what you can see from a different perspective!
another thing i learned this year was that God's timing is always perfect. i may seem like a very patient person, but believe me, i can very impatient when waiting for God's timing sometimes. and each time He give me things at the right time, i am very ashamed.trusting God is something that i really need to work on, and He has proved that i cannot do things alone according to my own will. Lord, not my will but Yours be done.
this year, God has amplified my weak points in my life, and i can see Him working in and through me in those areas. sometimes there are painful methods, but i know that i will come out refined, and it is because God loves me that He disciplines me (Hebrews 12:5- 6;11). there were so many times when i would go for Bible study or sunday church service and there's just something in the message that hits home hard.
my eyes were also opened to who are really true brothers and sisters in the faith who are not afraid of humbly coming and pointing out things which may not be pleasant in God's eyes. i also see that my patience, if driven to the edge, can run dry. this amplifies the awesome-ness of God's unending patience! to think that He is waiting for the whole world to turn to Him! how painful it must be for him.
one very important thing i learnt this year is how costly God's Grace is and how blessed i am to have received it and not fall under His wrath. as i share the Gospel with a number of people this year, and i see them rejecting the gospel, i realise i have done nothing and cannot do anything to get it. i do not feel angry at all that these people have rejected it. instead, i feel very sad for them! i pray that in God's kindness and mercy, this was just the beginning of their journey in God's grace; that a seed has been planted and in due time will sprout and grow.
i have been to more camps this year and have learned so many things. i am really thankful to God that i have the chance to do so. of course, i get to make new friends, but ultimately, i get to learn more about the awesome God we have! it's actually really hard to try and summarise every thing into a small paragraph, as there is just so much to share!
i have been exposed to so much this year and have learned so many priceless lessons that it's too long for me to write it down! if you're really interested, please do meet me in person and i would be more than happy to praise and give glory to our God by sharing what He has done in me!
i am definitely looking forward to the following year and see what plans God has in store for me!
have a blessed 2015 :)
through out the year, i learned to seek God in a way different than before. i had to really depend on His divine strength, as i could not and would not have made it through if not for Him. i understand better what it means to rest in His Grace. to be honest, it is not as easy as some might think it to be. it's really when you're pushed to your limits, far out of your comfort zone, that you realize that your strength will definitely fail. again and again, 2 Corinthians 12:9 comes to mind.
besides that, i was given the opportunity to lead a number of Bible studies. it made me see things in a way i have never seen before. it's always exciting to re-read God's Word and see what treasures you find each time. there were also a lot of things that i learnt from different places about God's word, like reading well-known Bible stories, but looking at them through new eyes. it's really amazing what you can see from a different perspective!
another thing i learned this year was that God's timing is always perfect. i may seem like a very patient person, but believe me, i can very impatient when waiting for God's timing sometimes. and each time He give me things at the right time, i am very ashamed.trusting God is something that i really need to work on, and He has proved that i cannot do things alone according to my own will. Lord, not my will but Yours be done.
this year, God has amplified my weak points in my life, and i can see Him working in and through me in those areas. sometimes there are painful methods, but i know that i will come out refined, and it is because God loves me that He disciplines me (Hebrews 12:5- 6;11). there were so many times when i would go for Bible study or sunday church service and there's just something in the message that hits home hard.
my eyes were also opened to who are really true brothers and sisters in the faith who are not afraid of humbly coming and pointing out things which may not be pleasant in God's eyes. i also see that my patience, if driven to the edge, can run dry. this amplifies the awesome-ness of God's unending patience! to think that He is waiting for the whole world to turn to Him! how painful it must be for him.
one very important thing i learnt this year is how costly God's Grace is and how blessed i am to have received it and not fall under His wrath. as i share the Gospel with a number of people this year, and i see them rejecting the gospel, i realise i have done nothing and cannot do anything to get it. i do not feel angry at all that these people have rejected it. instead, i feel very sad for them! i pray that in God's kindness and mercy, this was just the beginning of their journey in God's grace; that a seed has been planted and in due time will sprout and grow.
i have been to more camps this year and have learned so many things. i am really thankful to God that i have the chance to do so. of course, i get to make new friends, but ultimately, i get to learn more about the awesome God we have! it's actually really hard to try and summarise every thing into a small paragraph, as there is just so much to share!
i have been exposed to so much this year and have learned so many priceless lessons that it's too long for me to write it down! if you're really interested, please do meet me in person and i would be more than happy to praise and give glory to our God by sharing what He has done in me!
i am definitely looking forward to the following year and see what plans God has in store for me!
have a blessed 2015 :)
Monday, August 25, 2014
(Almost) as stubborn as a mule
when will i ever learn? to fully put my trust in God? it's been countless times that He has shown me the path to take, all in His time. each time i rely on my own strength, i regret i did not wait for His direction. of course, i'm not the only one. neither am i the first. already at the very beginning, adam and eve decided that their way was better than God's.
so, i was told to follow-up with someone who had come to one of our outreach events and responded by saying that she is interested in knowing more about Jesus. without knowing, the person who allocated me this girl just passed me her contact details and encouraged me to have a chat with her and maybe invite her along to one of our weekly session. and by God's appointment, it was someone who was living close by and i knew her! that made it easier. however, i was not without problems.
i'll admit and say that, although i have followed-up with people before, most, if not all of them, were Christians. and so, there i was, cracking my head to think of ways to start a conversation with this girl, as i didn't know what to say without making things awkward. what made matters worse was that i knew who she was, but i had never really spoken to her before. and i can tell you that i've failed many times in the past. besides that, the introvert me does not like to start conversations with people, more so people who i don't really talk to. so i asked God for help. i knew my time was short and i had to act fast. and being a person who worries quite a bit, i prayed quite hard for it. although, God doesn't answer our prayers based on how much we pray. He answers according to His will and what is good.
no prize for guessing, God answered by using something else that He had led me to be in charge of. when i was first asked to take charge of orgainisng a weekly badminton meet, to be honest, i was kind of reluctant as i would have just finished classes and would have to rush over to the courts to oversee things. right after would be the weekly sessions we have. and it is really quite tiring for me, especially since i do not have the strength i used to when i was in high school. i know i sound old, but believe me, i am not kidding you that i actually feel like that. i do not like it one bit as it limits my capabilities of doing a lot of things, but oh well, we do not have perfect bodies. (i can't wait to get a perfect body!) anyway, this girl started the ball rolling by asking me about it. and i took it as my cue. previously, i would have been such a chicken and picked up the hint but not act on it. however, i knew better this time. i asked for an opportunity and here it was in my face, i wasn't gonna let it go. so i started chatting with her a bit and invited her eventually for lunch the next day. it was cool that we had a free time at the same time! how rare is that!
and then there was the next problem i faced. again, i relied on my own strength. i kept thinking that night about what to talk about the next day. i know that a lot of times when i am with someone i just met, the conversation is gonna stop halfway with no topics to talk about. i, for one, suck at carrying conversations. again, i asked for God's help. God keeps His promises and will not leave us alone. especially when we carry out His will. He will guide us. we just have to listen and follow. just like a potter's clay, i decided to let Him do His work in and through me. and so, lunch came. i was astonished that we did not stop talking. we did not run out of things to talk about! although we didn't talk much about Jesus as per se, i know that that was just the ice-breaker to warm both of us up for what is to come. and the end of it, i asked her if she would like to explore the Bible. her facial expression was priceless. her face lit up at the sound of it and said that she would be more than happy to. as the quote says above, i cannot wait to start exploring the Bible together with her to see who Jesus is. we've had our share of food for the body. now's the time for food for the soul. of course God's in control and He is the Leader. can't wait to see where He'll lead me to. how to run these exploration sessions.
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
Lord, forgive me for not relying on You and Your strength. please lead me here on and help me to listen and obey Your voice. Amen.
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