Are Your Hands Opened or Closed?

A reflection from 4 August 2018

I COME WITH TIGHTLY CLOSED HANDS
Reflection night tonight. So much I poured out to God. And then the picture came. Of me coming to the Father saying "Take these hurts and failures from me. Take my heart and heal it." But my hands were closed. The closed hand - symbol of power, the desire to have revenge, the desire to hold on tight, to control.

Here I was standing before God, asking Him to take these things from me but with closed hands. Because it's easier to have your hands closed. It means protection. No one can put anything horrible into your hands. The safety and security. No one can take what is yours. Right? Well, maybe. But it also meant God could not trade my sorrows with his joy. It meant that I could not receive his blessings.

Such a simple illustration with such profound importance. In the attempt to protect myself, I have closed off the blessings that God wants to bestow upon me because I am his child. The hurts I want God to heal, but I still hold on tightly to them.

I COME WITH OPEN HANDS
I want to really surrender what I have in my hands to God and allow him to take the bad stuff and trade it with the good stuff.
I want my hands open so I can grab on to him.
I want my hands wide open so that whatever God has given me I can share with others.
Can we ever receive anything if our hands are full and tightly closed?

I want my hands wide open

GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD

After a weekend of feeling down, having low mood throughout the day, yesterday (Monday) looked a little better. However, my mood was still pretty low. This morning, I woke up still with pretty low mood. My heart silently prayed that I would have enough emotional capacity to handle today. Every Tuesday, I work at a clinic for a few hours. This means I see patients who may have come from anywhere in life and may bring anything to the consultation. I prayed the same prayer I pray every morning: “Lord give me strength to go through this day”.

On my way to the clinic, I had this sudden burst of energy. I could feel an instantaneous change in my mood. (See people, sometimes it’s not just psychological. The biochemicals in the brain don’t always work the way you want it to). It was such a sudden, drastic change that it actually took me by surprise. Where did I suddenly get this burst of emotional energy from? I was able to get through work with sufficient emotional capacity to do my work well.

On my way back from the clinic, I was thinking about it. And then the phrase, GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD came into mind. God gave me just enough. Just like his provision for the Israelites in the wilderness.

Today was a surprisingly good day. And I thank God for it!

I even got to share a little bit of what I believe in with my colleagues! Even though I was cut short by my next patient arriving before I could get to the important point that I wanted to talk about, I believe God will use whatever little I have said. I’m confident that I will have a lot more opportunities to talk about what I believe in in the days to come. Most importantly, I hope that all that I say and do will be a living testimony unto Christ. If I’m the only Bible they’re going to read, then may I be it well with the help of the Spirit guiding me.