Firstly, please understand that the following is written out of an outpouring of emotions. I decided that it was bottled up and now it's like when you shake a fizzy drink and it's just waiting to spill out. I need to vent my frustration somewhere. And being a person who is learning how to use something called emotions, it is probably the only thing i can think of right now.
We often say people don't accept us for who we are. The sad truth is, there isn't anyone who can. Also, sometimes we make promises (most of the time unknowingly) to say that we will be in support of whatever the person is (notice that it is not does). Another sad truth, we can NEVER do it.
If we are gonna accept a person for who he/she is, it means we have to accept EVERYTHING. Including the UGLY side. Unfortunately, most of us don't like anyone's ugly side, sometimes including our own. If you're not gonna accept my ugly side as you do my pretty side, then please don't say you accept me for who I am. Because, I WILL hold you to your word.
If I am gonna work on my ugly side, and you claim you are trying to help me see my ugly side so that i can work on it, then you are first gonna have to admit that I DO actually have an ugly side. And if you want to help me work on my ugly side, then please, don't do things halfway. Help me maintain my pretty side as well.
Don't just keep criticizing everything I do wrong without commending the things that I get right. It is very demeaning and demotivating if all you are gonna notice is my bad side. No, I am NOT saying that you shouldn't my bad side. I certainly welcome that at all times, and please do it with all honesty! But if that's the only thing you are gonna notice about me, then, it tells me one of two things. Either, I am just really that horrible of a person that I have no good side OR you're just really good at your job. Hey, I do do good things as well, okay?
On the other hand, I know I don't get everything right. So if you're only talking about the good things about me but never mentioning the bad, I will (sad to say) have to make the conclusion that you're not being very honest with me. And I don't like that either.
I won't blame you if you're trying to have a balance of both. I am working on that part of me too, i.e. trying to commend and give constructive criticism.
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. That's it. that was the word i was searching for. Don't just tell me what I'm doing wrong as if you've got it all right. Please tell me what I SHOULD be doing RIGHT. If you're just gonna tell me that turning down a particular path is wrong without giving me an alternative route, how are you supposed to expect me to get to the destination, i.e. change of behaviour/habit/thought/etc.??
So please. Let's work together. Help me do it properly. If you're gonna start a job, finish it and DO IT WELL.
One of the things I am trying to work on is my EMOTIONS (and consequently, expressions). I have had a very tough time trying to express my emotions in the correct way over the years. Unfortunately, my lack of ability to express them correctly has gotten me into trouble so many times. It's sad to say that people have assumed so much, that I've lost "friends" due to them not getting to know me first before jumping to conclusions. I wish they understood how hard it is for me to know how to control emotions and expressions. It may be really easy for them, but it is certainly not easy for me.
I am very thankful for those who are wiser than that and actually take the time to get to know some of my background before making assumptions. Kudos to you all! And also thanks for being patient with me as I try to work my way. It IS VERY hard. I'm not even asking you to try understand how it feels on my part. I'm just asking you to be PATIENT with me. I know patience can wear off. If it's too much for you to handle, then I would rather you let me know and politely leave than keep hitting me whether directly or indirectly.
There. I'm done rambling now.
